The first-born is a strong cache of memories

I remember the first time I lost you for a while

When you sat before me but only in body

I remember the first time you uttered those foul words

You told me you were the son of a slut

Was it me?

I remember your incessant conversations

They grew deep

They grew macabre

Was I so unkind that you let your voices distort me

Was I so unloving that you annihilated my very self

I tried to help you

But you could not listen to me

The voices commanded your attention

Those cruel people of your imagination

I cried out from my very soul

Hear me,

Listen to me, please listen to me

I love you

Let me help you

You could not hear my voice

For their voices flooded your mind with their filth and abuse

I was forced to watch you disintegrate

Every day you slipped a little further away

You were descending into that dark abyss

I did everything to save you

Deaf ears were many

My voice unheard

Yet, your voices were loud and clear

They did not go unheard

I loved you so much

That it hurt

The screaming inside of me never stopped

I begged, I pleaded, I prayed

All in vain

The voices took you away from me

Their life was yours

Your life was theirs

No peace, no silence even for an hour

As you sat in darkened rooms

Listening, for ever listening

All I could do was cry

Did my tears heal you?

No, they did not

You are a possessive mother said the doctor

Am I

Perhaps I am

Am I

No, no, no I am not

A mother is forever watchful

A mother forever loves

A mother nurtures and sets her off-springs free

I have never closed the door of freedom to my son

For his spirit was taught by mine

No thought, word or deed will chain him down

I think, I love and I live and therefore I am

Taught to my son from his sheltered days in my womb

How can one possess what is not ours to possess

Damn you all

I asked you to help my son

To save my son

To give him back his life

You gave me a prescription for hopelessness

A pitiful Freudian diagnosis

Five long years of torture

I would have given you my life

If that were to be the price for my sons salvation

Is that the definition of possessiveness?

The time came when I could not listen

The time came when I could not look

I hid myself in the darkest corners

Afraid for you my son

Afraid of you my son

Despair and hopelessness were my constant companions

They held me tight

They caressed my soul

They gouged my heart

They tried, they tried

Arrogance and ego walk hand in hand

Never the less, they did not take you with them

For I raised my voice, I became your voice

They heard me so loud and clear

The venom in my tongue acidic

Yes those conceited healers had to listen

For at last they saw you

Like a frightened animal

Cowering with fear

You told them that soon you would be dead

You asked me would I miss you

You told them that your body was dying

You told me that you loved me

So many cerebral chemically distorted words

I listened to those painful words

The Doctors of infinite knowledge listened to your words

They finally heard you but almost too late

The umbilical cord of the soul can never be cut

It is invisible to the eye

And with that cord I  held on to you my son

I tied you to me to save you from drowning

I would not let you go

I would not leave you lost in that bleak wilderness of insanity

I would not leave you in such darkness

For life is far too precious

Life of my life

Birthed from my body

I am a mother and above all a giver of life

I am your mother